September 23, 2016 - I was on my way to a hospital in Grapevine for work when my phone rang. It was Abby and she was on the way back from a routine annual doctor's appointment. I can't remember word-for-word how the conversation went, but it was something along these lines:

Me: How was your check-up?

Abby: Fine

Me: Good!

**Awkward Pause**

Me: So... what are you doing now?

Abby: You need to come home

Me: I can't come home... I'm heading to a meeting. Is everything okay?

Abby: I just need you to come home

Me: What's wrong?

Abby: Just please come home

At this point, I'm expecting the worst: terminal illness, our dogs are dead, house broken into, Dez Bryant broke his leg, etc.

But then it hit me...

Me: I can come home if you need me to, but I need to know what's going on... wait, are you pregnant????

Abby: No... well... I just need you to come home.

There was more back and forth and considering Abby was likely in shock and is also a horrible liar... I had a pretty good guess of what was going on.

There's a lot of pressure nowadays to make everything special, and telling your husband that you're pregnant is one of them. I know Abby had this grand plan in her head of how she would one day announce to me that we were expecting a child - a surprise perhaps, maybe a special note, whatever. But the way that I found out Abby was pregnant was perfect - a mix of shock, happiness and terror. I got home to a happy-crying wife and a positive pregnancy test. It was one of the best days of my life.

I've always been excited to be a Dad. Growing up with an incredible Dad myself probably spurred this excitement - he was always involved in sports, coaching me at home and on the field and nowadays is always there for advice on things from finance, to family, to fixing the occasional appliance. Between fathering my first child - my black labrador, Witten - and being a summer camp counselor at Pine Cove, I figured I was prepared for fatherhood. Can't be that hard, right?

Abby and I got married in February of 2016. We knew we wanted kids, but agreed to wait a few years and soak in married life for a little while. We were in the middle of moving from Texas to Colorado when we found out Abby was pregnant … and we had been married for seven months. It wasn’t the 3-4 year plan we had, but apparently when you do certain things, you can get pregnant. Who’d have thought?! Despite taking necessary 'precautions', God decided it was time for us to become parents. It wasn't long before the shock of the big news subsided and we were overjoyed that a little Heasley was on the way.

When Abby got pregnant, I had no idea what to expect. Not many of my friends had kids, and I’ve probably held about five babies in my life - in fact, Hattie’s diaper was the first diaper I ever changed, the first baby I ever burped and definitely the first person to poop on me. It started to dawn on me that I know nothing about babies. I had a million questions throughout the first trimester: How do we know everything is still ok in there? Why do strollers cost so much? Do I say “We’re Pregnant” or “Abby’s pregnant”? Why does my child look like a penguin on the ultrasound? (picture below for reference) As soon as we found out the big news, I started keeping a journal to catalog every memory we had along the way during pregnancy. I’m going to try and condense that journal into this blog.

My beautiful daughter, Hattie, in utero when she looked like a penguin and/or rotisserie chicken on the sonogram.

I quickly realized how “intense” pregnancy really is. There are a lot of words I can think of to describe pregnancy, but “intense” probably sums up everything involved. The changes going on mentally, physically, emotionally and hormonally are unbelievable. It's like the most unnatural thing and the most natural thing at the same time (I don't know if that makes sense).

Now, if you’re thinking about having a baby, I don’t want this blog to terrify you. Just keep reading… it’s all worth it in the end.

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOUR WIFE IS EXPECTING

I’ll be the first to admit that I was clueless about pregnancy. I didn't really know what my role was throughout those nine months. Do I cook dinner for her every night? If so, do I cook healthy food or comfort food? If I cook healthy food, will she get offended because she might think I’m implying she is gaining weight? If I cook comfort food, will she get upset because she needs to eat healthy to keep the baby healthy? Should I buy her some comfortable maternity clothes? What size do I get? Am I walking on egg shells for nine months?

Being a male, I naturally want to fix everything. I tend to believe every problem has a solution. So, during the pregnancy when Abby said she wasn’t feeling well, I would search for a remedy. When Abby was upset or oddly emotional about something, I would look for a way to fix it. When Abby was feeling bad about herself, I would tell her how incredible she was. What I failed to do in all of this was just listen to her, be an ear to talk to and a shoulder to lean on. I focused too much on fixing the problems at hand rather than just being there for her. Learning to listen was one of my biggest takeaways during the pregnancy and is something I will apply to my marriage for the rest of my life.

Fortunately for me, Abby was a pregnant rockstar. Sure, I deserved to be put in the dog pound a few times, but it happens. Guys are idiots sometimes (or most of the time). One of my worst screw-ups was during the third trimester. We were going to Costco to grab some essentials and I was really craving a hot dog. If you’re unaware, I am an admitted cheapskate and happen to be a big fan of the $1.50 hot dog and drink combo at Costco. Abby took one glance at the crowded eating area, full of people stuffing their faces with hot dogs - their carts clogging the walking lanes in between the tables. She wasn’t down for the $1.50 hot dog combo. She wanted to go get salads at ‘Mad Greens’ - a place that charges an arm and a leg for a bowl of plants and $7 for a bottle of juice. We ended up going to Mad Greens. Abby was starving as most pregnant women in their third trimester are. I was in a bad mood and acting like a 5 year old because I didn’t get my Costco hotdog like I wanted. Abby got her salad, juice and then ordered some hummus. That’s when I made a comment… THE comment. The comment you should NEVER say to a woman, especially one currently carrying your unborn child. I said “You’re going to eat ALL of that?”

I was in trouble for the remainder of the day.

Overall, however, I like to think I was a fairly decent husband throughout the pregnancy. Abby read somewhere that pregnant women will sometimes project their frustrations onto other people or things during their pregnancy, and usually that person or thing is the husband. Fortunately for me, Abby channeled all of her frustration on my dog, Witten, the entire pregnancy. Poor guy. They say dog’s are man’s best friend and Witten definitely did me a solid. Shout out to Witten.

Witten checking out the new addition to the family

When your wife is pregnant, you fall in love with her all over again. I was blown away by Abby’s courage, strength, and love throughout the pregnancy. Every ultrasound, test, appointment and everything in between… she handled perfectly. She was patient with me, patient with the process, and stronger than I ever could have been. Now, that love grows daily as she is not just my wife, but the mother to my daughter.

PREGNANCY IS WEIRD

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing - it's a miracle and it's an event created and smiled upon by God. But let's all agree for a minute that pregnancy is weird. I still don't really understand how it's even possible. I know it's one of the most common things to happen on this planet, but pregnancy and birth is truly a miracle. Two pieces of genetic material come together and in a matter of 6 weeks, there is a heartbeat. The baby is then living in a sack of fluid INSIDE OF MY WIFE'S ABDOMEN for 40 weeks. Then, *ding* the timer goes off and out comes (violently and painfully) a beautiful little human. Pregnancy seemed so normal to me before Abby got pregnant. Maybe it just changes your perspective when it's your own child of just how odd the entire process is, or maybe I'm just rambling and making no sense, but hopefully parents out there can relate.

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I feel like I'm scaring more people that are pregnant or thinking about getting pregnant than I intend to whenever I tell our story of pregnancy, birth, and Hattie. Like I said, the pregnancy went pretty smoothly, but there are always some bumps along the way. I feel like it's God's way of saying, "Listen, no matter how healthy your children are, parenthood is terrifying so I'm going to throw some things at you along the way to prepare you for the future."

November 25th, 2017 - the day after Thanksgiving - Abby woke me up because she was experiencing some heavy bleeding. She was only around 13 weeks along and we expected the worst. Both of our families were in Denver for Thanksgiving, so I called her mom and we sped to the Emergency Room. It was an awful, gut wrenching morning. What a horrible feeling to think you may have just lost your baby. I sat in the ER with Abby as they did an ultrasound, my eyes searching the screen for a sign of life from our baby. The ultrasound tech wasn't saying anything to us. Eventually Abby spoke up saying, "Can you please tell us what you see? Is our baby ok?" The ultrasound tech looked up and casually stated, "Oh yeah, everything's fine. The baby is moving so much that I can't get a good image." Abby sighed with relief. I burst into tears. My first "Dad tears".

We left the hospital and went to grab lunch as it had been quite the eventful morning. In the car was Abby, me, and my 19 year old brother, Jonathan. We made it into the parking lot when Abby started to feel sick. Hospitals, needles, stress, and pregnancy are not a good combination in the first trimester. She opened the door of my moving car and puked all over the street. Jonathan sat there wide-eyed, and I like to think he learned a valuable life lesson that day - he's not ready to be a father just yet.

NAUSEA, NESTING & NIPPLE CREAM

I don’t know why they call it 'morning sickness' when it happens anywhere at anytime. Abby was pretty sick throughout the first trimester and was also really tired. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to go to bed at 7:00p. I felt awful for Abby. I can’t imagine that feeling of sickness all the time. The other major bummer was that Abby's sense of smell went through the roof throughout the pregnancy. A heightened sensitivity to odors is a common symptom during pregnancy and it got to the point where cooking any sort of meat in the kitchen was enough to make Abby feel sick. I remember we were cooking for Thanksgiving dinner and Abby had to leave the room. Despite the nausea, Abby pulled through like a champ. She even drove her car the entire 13-hour drive from Dallas to Denver. Like I said, Abby was a pregnant rockstar. Once the second trimester rolled around, it was like a switch was flipped and the nausea was gone.

Now onto Nesting. They say girls start planning their wedding when they’re like 13 years old or something. Well, I'm going to add on that girls start "nesting" the day you propose to them. Nesting is a very real thing. When we found out we were having a baby, the ideas came flooding in. We were in Colorado, living in a two bedroom house - Abby and I were in the master and the second room doubled as a guest room and my office. The idea was once we started having kids, we would build out the basement and put an office and guest room down there. Well, a week before we closed on the house, we found out we were having a little Heasley running around sooner than expected, so I got kicked out of the guest room/office and it quickly became The Nursery.

A visual representation of "Nesting" in action

Abby went full throttle during the pregnancy and I commend her for it. She was strict about the foods she ate, she was active when she needed to be and rested when she needed to be, she carefully planned out all the essentials we would need to purchase and register for, and she planned out that nursery like an architect. Future fathers: just let it happen. The only purpose you serve as a husband to a nesting wife is to do whatever she asks of you. You will build the crib and you will like it. You will install the curtain rods and you will love it. And you will replace the ceiling fan with a dainty little chandelier with a smile on your face. I had zero electrical experience, but I was dang proud of myself when I YouTube’d my way into figuring out how to re-route electrical wiring and replace a ceiling fan with a little plastic chandelier.

Now onto the third topic of “nipple cream”. There’s not too much to say about nipple cream... I just wanted to add it to this section title because it started with an “n” and it flowed well with "Nesting and Nausea". I will say, however, that I bought Abby a prenatal massage at this massage place for expecting mothers (pro-tip for future fathers… find a prenatal massage place and do this) and the lady at the counter gave me some free samples of nipple cream, saying, “A new mother can never have too much nipple cream.” Words to live by.

HAVING A DAUGHTER

Fast forward to May 24th - we (Abby) brought a beautiful little girl into the world. Now, I’m not really an emotional person. There are times where I wish I was more empathetic, emotional, etc. Despite these facts, I think I’ve cried more through the pregnancy and the few months following the birth than Abby has. Through the tests during pregnancy, the time spent in the NICU, the Emergency Room visits, the days waiting on test results and the nights spent sleeping at the hospital, Abby was hands-down stronger than I was. God knew what he was doing when he made Moms. Marriage and Fatherhood has gradually broken down the walls of my “lack of emotion”. I guess that’s what happens when you become a husband and a father. I remember my dad hit 40 and the floodgates opened. He cries at pretty much everything now, sappy Super Bowl commercials included.

**Heading up the elevator to Labor & Delivery**

I don’t know what it’s like to have a son, but I can tell you that having a daughter changes you. A feeling came over me the day we found out we were having a girl. There was this overwhelming desire to do everything I could to protect her - emotionally, physically, mentally - in every way. I know Dads out there with daughters can relate. When I married Abby, there was this strong desire to want to work hard, provide, and protect. Now that Hattie is here, there is an even larger motivation to provide and protect. With every heel prick she had for blood testing, every wire hooked up to her, every X-Ray procedure she’s had, every needle put in her skin - as a parent it breaks your heart to see your daughter in pain.

Hattie was born kicking and screaming. Her cries were so delicate. It’s cliche for parents to say their baby is perfect, but Hattie was and is perfect. I have two beautiful girls to come home to every day. When it’s been a rough day at work or I’m stressed out for one reason or another, Hattie’s giggles are my medicine.

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Hattie is getting to that fun stage where she is beginning to smile, laugh, coo, reach for things and enjoy toys. I'm proud to be her Dad. I have a long time until I figure out the whole Dad thing - I'm only 4 months in! But this is a little bit of what I've learned and experienced so far. The best part of my day today was Abby texting me to let me know Hattie had pooped - she hadn't pooped in like 3 days. Good times.

- David