Well, it’s been a while since a Dad post on here so let’s catch up. A lot has happened since “Becoming a Dad: Part 1”. I’d say I’ve changed the better part of 1,000 dirty diapers, given many baths, brushed many teeth, fed many bottles, successfully given Hattie (maybe 10?) successful pigtails and have enjoyed endless amounts of giggles from my little girl. We also found out that we are having another daughter in September which I have been mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially preparing for. Since my last dedicated “Dad Post”, a lot has happened - most of which we (mostly Abby) have enjoyed sharing in this blog with our family and friends. We officially have a toddler on our hands. She may still feel like a baby most times, but when that toddler attitude, personality and spirit comes out, it’s very clear that Hattie is becoming a big girl!

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These kids are geniuses

We didn’t really know the extent of Hattie’s disabilities when I wrote my last post and to be honest, we still don’t know a ton. We don’t know when she’ll be able to walk or when her strength will improve. Her overall tone is still quite low and she has a long road ahead of her. What we have learned is how to take everything day by day. We’ve really learned to not think or dwell on the possibilities of the future and it has allowed us to soak up every moment with our little girl. There was a period of time there - probably all of 2017 to be honest - where Abby and I had no idea what to do, think, say, etc. about Hattie. There was a lot of fear, a lot of “I have no idea what to do’s”, and a lot of tears. Once we got into the swing of things, we have felt so ‘at rest’ about everything. Abby and I have really had to learn to be a team and everything that comes with having a child with special needs has brought us closer - the doctor’s appointments, the therapy, the medicine, the seizures, the hospital stays, etc. We like to say we finally feel like we are ‘coasting along’ and all the scary and stressful things have become the new norm.

Abby likes to give me a hard time because I have no idea what typical kids are supposed to be doing at certain ages. We were out to eat recently and saw this little blonde girl running around, pointing at things, and playing. If you would have asked me, I would have said the girl was probably 2 or 3. She was 15 months old. Anytime I find out some 2 year-old can say “ball” or an 11 month-old is walking around I am convinced those children are the most gifted children in the world. HOW ON EARTH ARE THEY WALKING AT 11 MONTHS?! Well, come to find out, that is completely normal. Most typical kids are walking sometime between 9 and 15 months. I’d say that’s been the hardest part so far - getting the true perspective of how behind Hattie really is. We have to stop ourselves when we begin to ask the question that I think every special needs parent asks at some point… “Am I doing enough? Can we be doing more for Hattie?”

Last month was Easter and our neighborhood had a massive Easter egg hunt for all the kids. They segmented the egg hunt into separate stations: an egg hunt for 1 - 3 year olds, an egg hunt for 4 - 6 year olds, and so on. It was crowded, and the egg hunt for the 1 - 3 year olds was about to begin. I held Hattie in my arms and it was game time. We were going to get some eggs. I looked around to see all these 1 - 3 year olds just bloodthirsty for some eggs.

“How old are these kids?! This is insane!” I thought as I saw what was probably a two year-old velcro his shoes tighter and point to the sandpit full of eggs and like the spawn of Albert Einstein, declare, “EGG!”

“That’s right, honey, egg!” his mom confirmed.

The alarm sounded and a horde of toddlers attacked the sandpit full of eggs. I had the choice of either waiting patiently for kids to scatter a bit so I could grab an egg or two, OR, I could start throwing kids and/or stealing eggs from them. Since their parents were watching carefully, from the sidelines, I chose to wait it out. Surely there would be a stray egg or two for Hattie. After what seemed like 10 seconds, the dust settled and Hattie and I stood there, empty basket in hand, looking at an eggless sandpit. All the eggs were gone, and Hattie hadn’t gotten a single one. I won’t lie… it was sad. My dad heart was ripped apart. Is this what egg hunts will be like? Will Hattie never get to enjoy the feeling of hunting for eggs - the thrill of finding an easter egg and opening it up to find some candy or a dollar bill? These genius two year-olds were running around with baskets full of eggs. HOW ARE THEY SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW TO PICK UP AN EGG AND PUT IT IN A BASKET?!

Now of course, Hattie couldn’t care less about not getting any Easter eggs. She had a great time as there was music blaring and tons of balloons - two of her favorite things. But as a parent, seeing these kids get all these eggs and then my daughter not getting any… it sucked. In the end, the joke was on the other kids though because this easter egg hunt just happened to be sponsored by a local dentist and the eggs were filled with NOT candy, but pencil erasers and floss.

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Girls

In about 4 months, I will be a father to two daughters. There will be three human girls in my home. Estrogen levels in the Heasley household will have risen by 33% and I will officially be gravely outnumbered 3-1. In (12?) years or so, there very well could be three females on their periods under our roof… looks like I will have to strategically plan business trips three times a month. My fatherly future will be full of dresses, Disney Princess bedding, training bras, and ballet recitals. There will come a day where I might suggest lacrosse, soccer, basketball, maybe golf - but I am already preparing myself for the response of, “No Daddy, I want to tap dance” or “No Daddy, I hate sports” or “No Daddy, I only want to draw rainbow-colored ponies all day”

… and I pray my “daughter dad” heart and mind will be ready to accept it.

It’s fun to joke about how outnumbered I will be or that my house will be filled to the brim with bows and tampons, but the fact is, I am so pumped about having another little girl. When Hattie was born, I knew I would love being an all-girl dad if that’s what God has in mind. I’m so thankful that Hattie will have a little sister, and it very well may become a situation where the little sister is more of a “big sister” to Hattie. I’m thankful that my two daughters will have an amazing woman to learn from in Abby. I can only hope they will both turn out like their mother. These days it can be terrifying to bring a little girl into the world… Instagram, Tinder, The Bachelor, K-Pop boy bands, Rodan+Fields… it’s a scary time to have daughters. I look forward to learning as I go (as I do with most things in life) and learning from the many men of daughters who have gone before me. So if you have all daughters, don’t be surprised if I reach out with a “HOW DO I DO THIS?!” every once in a while.

EXCEEDING EXPECTATIONS

We have been overwhelmingly surprised and encouraged in the ways God has brought people into our lives these past two years. We have connected with parents from all over the world - Australia, New Zealand, England, Mexico, Ireland, Sweden, all over the U.S. and everywhere in between - who have kids with a certain 1q4 chromosomal deletion. We have seen families thrive and progress and we’ve seen families struggle and get back up again. Every little victory is a huge deal and it’s been fun to celebrate with our 1q4 family.

Every day I have seen Hattie exceed expectations. There are many, many people in her life that have helped her thrive over the past couple years - her physical therapist, Beth, her Occupational Therapist, Joy, her Speech Therapist, Lisa, her Swim Therapist, Amy, everyone at The Anchor Center who have helped Hattie with her CVI, her pediatrician, Dr. Kallio, and (mostly in my opinion), her mommy, Abby. The other day, Hattie sat in a restaurant high chair an entire dinner, something she had never done. We were so excited - it is truly the little things that are the best.

We recently found out we will need to start the process of getting Hattie fitted for a wheelchair. Another little road bump I can’t wait to see Hattie conquer. When we put those tiny little leg braces on Hattie’s legs and put her in her stander to help her learn to put pressure on her feet, I like to picture Hattie eventually running around our house and playing. Abby and I both know Hattie will continue to exceed expectations, and I can’t wait for her to surprise all of us.

- David